Nine days after I wrote the last post - asking the universe to change something, anything - I got laid off. I think 'fired' is more accurate, given everything that we found out later, but I cannot grasp that. I do not know how I survived June. I slept a lot, I read a lot, I watched a lot of TV. I didn't cry a lot, which initially worried me but eventually that sort of merged with all of my other worries.
You hear this so often. People get laid off in the media all the time, but for some reason I didn't think it would happen to me. And yet. I have no idea how to even articulate everything that went through my mind in the last two months. I don't even want to think about it too much.
But things are changing. Big things are happening, things I have wanted for a while. So I have crossed all my fingers and toes that this transition is as smooth as can be, and that I can land on my feet on the other end of it all.
I need to make a lot of to-do lists and do a lot of things over the next two weeks, so I'm hoping that it'll take up so much of my time that I will not have much of it left to freak out. But, I mean, I am freaking out anyway. Though I feel like that's okay? For a while this summer I felt broken. Not emotionally, but in a way where I stopped giving a shit about some important stuff. At least now I'm worrying so that must mean I'm healing. Right?
